Hello Readers! Today I discuss a little book called Dear Ijeawele: A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions.
This review looks at the good, the bad and the how-to of implementing Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s suggestions for how to empower a daughter to become a strong, independent woman. It is a start to an urgently needed conversation about what it really means to be a woman today. She gives both practical advice and philosophical reasons for raising a girl to be herself.
The Good
You can easily read Dear Ijeawele in one sitting over a morning or an afternoon. The tone is conversational, intimate, and amusing. It is well-written with language that is economical, simple and accessible. This is what makes for its remarkable breadth and depth. I envy people who can cover so much ground in so few words and take you along for the ride.
It truly is a feminist book in my opinion! Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie takes her two feminist tools seriously and applies them to both men and women throughout her essay. She is not rigid, insisting on 50:50 everything as a way of raising children differently in order to create a fairer world for women and men. For her, feminism is always contextual. Equal means mattering equally. And her test of equality in the home is when resentment does not exist.
Adichie introduces the reader to the ins and outs of gender analysis with practical examples while avoiding feminist jargon. She questions so many gendered assumptions that are prevalent in many, if not most, cultural contexts. As she gives both practical advice and philosophical reasons for raising a girl to be herself, she addresses societal expectations and ideas in terms of marriage, gender roles, sport, power, gendered behaviour and attributes (like anger, likability, humility, ruthlessness etc.), femininity, beauty ideals and body politics, boundaries, sexuality and virginity, biology, shame, love, the list goes on.
The whole essay is a critique of language use and how words create worlds. This is very helpful in terms of giving you tools to subtly shift / adjust thinking and core beliefs about men and women, boys and girls, leading to other ways of being and doing.
She is unapologetic about being Nigerian and is proud of being African. Her anecdotes about being Black, and about Nigeria, are wonderfully uplifting and at the same time eye-opening for people of other backgrounds. If you fall into the latter, you will grow as an ally as you grow as a feminist. Adichie also names a trap that allies and the oppressed easily fall into… “Saintliness is not a prerequisite for dignity, so don’t turn the oppressed into saints. People who are unkind and dishonest are still human, and still deserve dignity”.
The Bad
The brevity and simplicity of this book can also be its downfall. It’s one of those books that draw you in, that you race through nodding your head and then get to the end and think, “what all did I just read?”. I recommend devouring this book and then sitting down to chew on it slowly and thoughtfully a second time.
The book is an adaptation of a letter to a Nigerian friend in response to a request for advice. This means that it is heavy on references to Nigerian culture and customs. Since I have lived and worked in Africa, I could see some of the subtext and fill in the blanks. I think that as you read through the book you will be able to pick-up and understand the cultural references. However, some footnotes might be useful to readers from other disimilar traditions.
Because it is an adapted letter, you will not find any references to academic articles, philosophers and deep philosophical texts, or hard-core feminist theory. If you are looking for this, you will need to look elsewhere.
This book is about systemic and cultural change. As such, you may have to wait a loooong time to see the results of your actions. I don’t mean months. I mean possibly generations. That being said, I have done some of the work laid out by Adichie, and by comparing my daughters to myself at their age, I can see huge steps forward in the feminist agenda.
For instance, look at this poster done by my 13-year-old daughter in response to the Black Lives Matter protests in 2020 in the US.
I would never have been that aware or that concerned or even thought that way when I was 13! I don’t claim all the credit. Gen-Z is so much more aware than Gen-X, but I think as a generation we do have something to do with Gen-Z being where they are! And so do our mothers, and our grandmothers. We stand on one another’s shoulders.
The author tangentially addresses the issue of raising feminist boys and raising awareness in men. This is not a surprise as it is not the stated purpose of the book. She also tangentially touches on sexual orientation, giving freedom to make an untraditional choice, but acknowledges that she is writing to her friend who is in a heteronormative marriage.
The How to
The book is long on awareness raising and general guidelines, and shorter on actionable steps. In this sense, it operates more as a check-list of core beliefs and thinking that needs to be changed. This is as it should be. Real and lasting change only happens when we change what we believe about something first. It will whet your appetite for issues that you want to learn more about and to look for actionable steps that you can practice in your daily life as a woman and mother. Think of it as a first step in the journey, a map as it were. Use it to plot your route, then look for ways to get there…
That being said, there are a couple of practical suggestions that I want to tell you about:
1. Teach your daughter to read: Adichie’s Fifth Suggestion
“Teach her to love books. Do this by casual example so that she will understand reading is valuable. Books (the ones she chooses and you choose to show her, not the ones she has to read for school), will help her understand and question the world, help her express herself, and help her in whatever she wants to become. If all else fails, pay her to read.”
I wholeheartedly embrace and endorse this suggestion! Adichie also mentions in her ninth suggestion that you should expose your daughter to female heroes that share something of her heritage and she can relate to. Books are a good way to do this. They are also one of the ways of exposing your daughter to difference and teaching her that it is normal (Fifteenth Suggestion).
My daughters and I have loved reading Robert Munsch stories together because so many of them have plucky girl protagonists who are determined to be themselves, learn, and overcome fears and challenges. We have had some great conversations about the stories and the decisions the girls make too. For instance, in the Paper Bag Princess, Elizabeth decides not to marry Prince Ronald after all because of how he behaves. This opened the door for casually talking about women being able to choose, whether women must get married (see Seventh Suggestion), how appearances can be deceiving, and also how someone should behave under similar circumstances regardless of whether you are considering them as a partner or not. These stories appeal to 3-to-10-year-olds on average. Since you will read them over and over again, each reading provides a new opportunity to talk about one aspect at a time. Among our favourites are:
- The Paper Bag Princess
- The Fire Station
- David’s Father
- Angela’s Airplane
- A Promise is a Promise
- Pigs
- Where is Gah-Ning?
Roald Dahl wrote a couple of books that celebrate resilient girls facing awful circumstances. These are ‘Matilda’ and ‘The BFG’. Both books have been made into movies that are worth watching too, although Steven Spielberg did adjust the ending to the BFG and in so doing eliminated Dahl’s anti-war statement at the end. Reading level and interest is pre-teen.
Some books about heroic women that we have enjoyed include Rad Women Worldwide, and Goodnight Stories for Rebel Girls. Note, though, that each culture has a specific idea of what heroism looks like. Also, if your daughter is introverted and reserved, you may need to look harder for heroic women with her temperament that she can relate to. Gain some valuable insight into female temperaments through Jean Shinoda Bolen’s Goddesses in Everywoman.
2. It takes a Village to raise a child: Adichie’s Tenth Suggestion
The author says to surround your child with a village of Aunties and Uncles who have the qualities you would like them to admire. (Clarification: all older women and men are thought of as Aunties and Uncles in Nigerian culture.) Talk about how much you admire them and what you admire them for. Children copy and learn from example.
This is often easier said than done, especially when it comes to finding suitable men. Not for this reason should we give up the attempt, though! It probably means having a community with a diverse age spread to get this right. Obviously, surrounding children with real, flesh-and-blood people who can become their examples and mentors is ideal. However, in their absence, it might also mean a virtual village in the form of books, movies, social media groups etc. So, falling back on suggestions Five and Seven will have to do sometimes.
Conclusion
I love this book, Dear Ijeawele. It has something for everyone For the seasoned feminist it is a great reminder of where we want to be going and the work still to be done. As such, I suggest reading this book often. It will bring you back to centre, which, after all, is the purpose of a manifesto! It is also a great book for any woman who is dipping their toes into feminism for the first time and wanting to raise their daughters (and sons) for a more dignified and equal future. The book draws the reader in and is not a rant against men making it a wonderful book for men to read. What I said earlier applies to men too; they will grow as allies as they grow as feminists. And God knows we need a lot more men around who are feminist and allies as well!
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